BPAL exposes the world’s conspiracies for April Fools

Every year, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does some really fun releases for April Fool’s Day — this year is no different, and in my opinion is actually the most awesome release EVER. I love conspiracy theories and lunatic fringe stuff, and an entire set of scents based on them is sheer creative genius!

The set is called BLACK HELICOPTERS OVER BLACK PHOENIX and each 5ml perfume oil bottle is $20. They are “Presented in a suspicious amber apothecary glass vial,” and no samples (Imps) are available for this series. You can probably join a decant circle to get Imp-sized decants at the sinandsalvation or bpalmarketplace communities on Live Journal, or at the BPAL forum. The series is available until May 29th, 2010, so there is time to get decants, test the scents, and make decisions on bottle purchases. Oh — and every purchase of a Black Helicopter blend comes with an imp’s ear of Tin Foil Hat. It doesn’t get any cooler than that!

Alas, poor spaceman!
We hardly knew you before
You smashed the windmill

On April 17, 1897, an alien spaceship appeared in the skies over Aurora, Texas. It came in too low, flying through the Aurora town square, and then hobbled north towards Judge Proctor’s farm. There, it smashed into a windmill and exploded, destroying the judge’s house and flower garden in a deluge of tons of debris and wreckage. The townspeople hurried to the scene, where they found the horribly burnt and disfigured corpse of the alien pilot. The kindly people of Aurora buried the unfortunate alien, keeping his gravesite a secret from curious onlookers.

Texas thistle, bluebell, red corn poppy, magnolia, sunflower, cedar sage, and smashed, flaming windmill.

Who knows who you are?
You control all of the world,
Shadow government.

The East India Trading Company, in cahoots with the British aristocracy, founded the Committee of 300, or Olympians, in 1727. Utilizing wealth amassed via the burgeoning opium trade, the Olympians began to control worldwide commerce, politics, media, and the military forces of countless nations to further their vision of a New World Order. Through media manipulation, the instigation of limited, concentrated wars, the destruction of natural resources, the annihilation of religious beliefs and practices, international political and social convulsions, and the forced collapse of national economies through artificial depressions and market exploitation, the Olympians plan on subjugating the “surplus population” of the world.

An ominous round table for the quintessential Round Table Group: polished wood, tobacco smoke, faded cologne, and neon discharge.

The All-Seeing Eye
Will extend its tentacles
To crush all nations.

The great strength of our Order lies in its concealment; let it never appear in any place in its own name, but always covered by another name, and another occupation. – Attributed to Adam Weishaupt

Ceremonial incense, pipe tobacco, temple roses, and shittim wood.

Bright, gleaming weapons
Are housed out in broad daylight
Squishing my brain waves.

The HAARP research facility in Alaska houses top secret weaponry that is utilized to down aircraft and trigger massive power outages, for meteorological manipulation, and to instigate “natural” disasters. The power housed at HAARP can be used to control minds and produce effects in humans that are indistinguishable from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Gulf War Syndrome.

Electrically charged white amber, violet, sage, mint, and neroli flanked by dazzling metals and shining wires.

Vile weapons spawned in
A mysterious sanctum
Yes, Tesla still lives.

The government’s most dangerous and fantastic experiments are conducted in Montauk, home to the real Men in Black. Mind-shattering psychological weapons are developed in top-secret facilities, where researchers also investigate invisibility, psychic and psionic power, and travel through hyperspace, alternate dimensions, and time.

Breathtaking native flora concealing a bastion of covert government experiments: shagbark hickory, sassafras, black gum, bald cypress, pine, dogwood, wild comfrey, swamp sunflower, and trumpet creeper.

Charlemagne? Fiction.
What is the date anyway?
Three-hundred year lie.

All archaeological evidence that the years AD 614-911 took place is fabricated, and these years were added to our contemporary version of history due to the deliberate falsification of documents and manufactured artifacts.

This year is, in actuality, AD 1713.

A traditional Medieval perfume that never existed: balm, benzoin, damask rose, gumdragon, lignum aloes, orange water, ambergris, and vegetal musk.

Reptile overlords
We serve you unknowingly.
Hello, Antichrist.

Some 300,000 or so years ago, bipedal reptilians from the constellation Draco (who are also, coincidentally, from the lower level of the fourth dimension) came to Earth in order to pillage the planet’s monoatomic gold supply. Monoatomic gold enables these reptiles, who appear exactly like humans, to process unthinkable amounts of data, travel trans-dimensionally, and shapeshift. The Reptoids, who formed the basis of the race of Gods known to the Babylonians as the Annunaki, made their homes in the bowels of the planet. These reptilian beings are also called the Watchers, the Fallen Angels, the Sons of God, Nephilim, or Grigori, and their evil machinations have been recorded as far back as Biblical apocrypha.

Monoatomic gold isn’t the only thing that fuels their formidable powers; they can also utilize human fear, aggression, guilt, frustration, and anger to the same end. In order to promote the chaos and discord necessary for generating as much of these negative human emotions as possible, the Watchers crossbred with specifically selected influential humans. There were three primary breeding programs: the first resulted in the creation of the creature that the Bible calls Adam. To date, the vast majority of political and financial leaders of the world are half-reptile, and they have a vice-grip on all aspects of human society. The prophesied False Messiah, (the Antichrist, or Dajjal), will be a product of the unholy union of Watcher and human.

Malevolent superintelligent para-dimensional shapeshifting reptoid musk.

Biological agents
Chemtrails are skydoom

Those slashes of white vapor in the sky aren’t harmless condensation trails caused by aircraft engine exhaust and wingtip vortices; they are streams of biological agents deliberately dispersed into the atmosphere by government agencies in order to destabilize society by diminishing the physical and mental capacities of the proletariat. The chemicals in these so-called contrails serve multiple purposes that all work to further the agenda of the New World Order: electromagnetic mind control and bio-tracking, low-level population culling, and inducing physical weakness and mental apathy. All these effects move towards the goal of making the world’s people malleable and complacent so they will, in the end, prostrate themselves willingly to the One Government.

Incapacitating poofiness: spun sugar, white amber, white musk, citron, and lemongrass masking a sinister, almost chemical undernote of elemi, zdravetz, and ravintsara.

O, moon landing hoax.
Incontrovertible proof:
Fake rocks, fake footage.

Determined to win the space race at any cost, the US government staged moon landings in an empty hangar at Area 51 in the Nevada desert and presented the spurious footage to the world as fact.

Prop moon rocks: muguet, orris, white sandalwood, galbanum, cistus, and dusty vanilla.

Weather balloon? No.
An alien autopsy,
A cover story.

In July of 1947, the US Air Force recovered the crash debris of multiple alien spacecrafts from a ranch close to Roswell, NM. Several aliens survived, but many perished. Both the living and the dead extraterrestrials were transported, in secret, to Hangar 18 at the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, along with the flying saucer wreckage. The US government performed a quick, efficient cover-up: witnesses were silenced, and a press release was issued the next day claiming that the fallen craft was a weather balloon.

Aliens at high tea: Earl Grey, biscuits, Battenberg cake, and strangely-glowing cucumber sandwiches.

Mystery doodle
Vast: in corn, maize, or barley
Aliens or what?

Alien navigational landmarks? Extraterrestrial communications? Plasma vortices? Manifestations of the mystic power of ley lines?

Miles and miles of flattened wheat, barley, and maize.

all scent descriptions and copy from the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab website.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: